


“See Through My Eyes”

by LullabliesAndDreams



Category: Anne of Green Gables (TV 1985) & Related Fandoms, Anne of Green Gables - L. M. Montgomery, Anne with an E (TV)
Genre: Alternative Universe — Modern Times, Anne is optimistic despite her hardship in life on a young age, Anne’s not adopted by the Cuthberts, But she’s also kind of a pessimist, Cole is such a sweetheart in everyway possible, Death/Pain/Suffering, Diana’s the best friend ever, Gen, Lucid dreams, fluffs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:07:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24837400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LullabliesAndDreams/pseuds/LullabliesAndDreams
Summary: FIRST OF: if you’re Kate (who happeneds to have left a nasty comment on my precious fic, from the same fandom ‘it’s okay not to be okay’). Don’t read this, don’t even attempt to open this.I don’t want you or your impeccable intelligence to suffer from my stupid writing.Now that we had that one out — every one who’s open for a maybe ‘new’ concept for our lovely characters are very much welcome 🥰☺️  Thoughts and suggestion are great too, just don’t be such a bitch and dick about it cuz the world doesn’t need any more of that.Now summary:Anne Shirly lost her sight at the age of eleven from a car accident that also killed both her parents.Thrown in a cycle of foster homes and orphanage/institutes, it stray her from the idea of getting her sight back, not until she met Diana — her first friend, her first kindred spirit, her only bosom friend.After getting her eye sight back, series of dreams or maybe memories (that she’s very sure are not hers), flooded her head. She didn’t think of it as big of a deal, but, after meeting a certain hazel eyed, handsome, nice, intellegent guy — who’s she sure the guy in her constant dreams, it force her to try and figure out what’s happening to her.
Relationships: Diana Barry & Anne Shirley, Diana Barry/Jerry Baynard, Gilbert Blythe/Anne Shirley, Gilbert Blythe/Winifred Rose
Comments: 24
Kudos: 30





	1. Prelude

**Author's Note:**

> This is actually still a cooking idea (I’m not sure if that’s a good reference, but, hell with it, right?) 
> 
> Let me know what you think of this please.

Iwince in pain as I run my hands just about everywhere from where I was kneeling — trying to reach for my stick that I have no idea where landed, after accidentally throwing it from being surprised when my foot got caught on something that I have no absolute idea what.

_Where is that damn stick!_

It’s been months and I’m still not use to using it.

I should have ‘Clumsiness and Stupidity’ as my middle since I keep forgetting to sling the damn thing on my hand, knowing well that I keep losing grip of it and dropping it almost always.

 _The_ _damn_ _thing_ must have had it’s own limbs and brain that I don’t know about, there’s no way it landed far! I groan loudly in frustration.

I kept psyching myself not to cry and try to be calm and strong for myself, because no one will be able to help me, but me.

It wouldn’t have been so hard if I have my sight — though I wouldn’t be in this situation if I can see.

 _Being_ _blind_ _sucks_.

I was not always blind.

I mean... wasn’t born blind.

My luck in the world is just so bad, that, I only didn’t lose my parent after a car accident... I also lost my sight — literally and figuratively.

It didn’t end there.

After waking up from a month coma — _blind_ , I was told that my parents were already cremated. They didn’t even sugarcoat what has happened to my eleven years old ears.

I didn’t even have the time to mourn for my parents because they immediately thrown to me the topic of custody — like an eleven year old girl have any idea what that was.

When I got release from the hospital, no close relative of mine would want to take me in.

So I got sent to social services.

They put me to foster _homes_ — I say homes cuz I alway got send back just after a few weeks. They always say that: _we’re_ _too_ _inexperience to handle and care for her needs._

I mean... can I blame them? Who would want a eleven year old, useless, blind girl in their wing anyway, right? _Even I wouldn’t want me._

After finally feeling the long slim stick on my fingers, I run my hands on it to feel the handle and prompt myself to stand, wiping the stray tears off my face and shaking the thoughts off my head.

* * *

* * *

_Eight_.

That how many houses I’ve live in, and I’m still counting.

It’s been a year since I got in and out of foster homes — in and out in orphanages/institutions.

Maybe one day, I won’t have to count anymore... but, that may be the day I got tired of counting, or just lose count.

“Hi.” A voice of a girl called.

I’m not actually sure if she was talking to me or if it was just a spark of my imagination. _Well... I can’t see_ , and I’m still bad at sensing things around me, especially since this is another new place.

Whenever I try to make an effort to adapt and be familiar with the place and surroundings they told me I’ll be living in for a long time (which, never really happened.) next thing I know, I’m already being help on moving out.

_Yeah, I know. It’s sad that I’m more familiar on when I’ll be moving out of a place than, getting accounted to my other senses to help me in living the blind world._

I think, for days now, I’m place in an orphanage, because I can hear and feel a lot of kids playing and running around, also people here were a bit nice. Institutes are hell in comparison — everyone are just always not in the mood, always irritated, angry, and they never let kids run on the fields or be too loud, even the food there were so bad.

If someone ask me where I would like to stay more, between orphanage or institute, I’ll pick orphanage. I mean... you have to pick the lesser evil right?

The same voice called a _hello_ , and despite my feeling that it’s just my imagination, I still said an almost quiet “Hi” back. Then a feeling of someone moving closer to me almost made me jump.

I was sitting on one of those benches around the playground field. I would run around and play, but you know... _blind girl can’t have fun._

I felt the girl sat down next to me — not too close though.

“I’m Diana.” She said. I move my head to the left where I feel she’s sitting. “My Aunt Josephine force me to be here, said that I should learn how to be charitable at a young age. My parents didn’t really like the idea, but, they can never say no to my aunt.” She paused for a moment, sighing. “I don’t know about being charitable, but I do know that it shouldn’t be forceful — and if Aunt Josephine didn’t own this orphanage, I wounld never really have gone here.” She finished, with a pretty evident annoyance and boredom in her voice.

I didn’t know what to say, so I stayed quiet. _She’s not an orphan, so why is she talking to me?_ The situation is making my head hurt.

“That’s a blank book.” She suddenly said that made me grip the book I almost forgot I was holding, and held it tighter. _It’s not really a blank book, it’s Braille,_ I wanted to say, but my tongue got tied. 

After a few seconds of not answering, I felt her move closer — I can feel her eye boring at me “You know, it’s really rude not to look at the person who’s trying to talk to you.”

“I know that.” _Wow_ , it surprised me that my tongue finally worked.

“Then why are you not looking at me?” She pushed.

“I would, but, I can’t really see so —“

“Can’t see?” She sounded so confused. Well, it’s not like I have a big sign beside me saying ‘blind girl’ for people to understand immediately.

Something must have click inside her head, because she suddenly said, “You’re blind...” in very low voice, like It’ll make me so upset when my disabilities are being said out loud — well, it kind of makes me upset, but I got in terms with it already.

“It’s Braille.” I told her.

“What?”

“The book... it’s not really blank. If you look closer, you can see something like embedded dots — for me, I have to touch and feel it to know. Each dot formation has a meaning or is equivalent to a word — it’s called, Braille... it’s a way for me to read.” I explained, remembering her comment about the book.

I’m not sure why I did that, I just thought maybe this will stray her of the thoughts that she offended me for being so blunt — I don’t want unnecessary apologies.

I like it though, her being blunt, but not in a mean way, or hurtful way — she feels like a genuine person.

“That’s cool.” She said, and it really surprised me by the way she said it. Like... like she really thinks what I can do is cool — like I thought, genuine person. “It’s like, having Superpowers — being able to read without seeing the words.” She added, and I can hear a smile in her tone.

It made me giddy and kind of happy.

“I’m Anne. That’s spelled as A-n-n-e.” I said, remembering that I haven’t introduced myself. I’m not entirely sure why I spelled it, I just hope she won’t take it as offense... I’ve never really had a friend before, and I strongly feels we can be one. 

“Anne with an e. I like that.” She said, and I can already feel a good friendship building between us.

 _Friendship_ , there a really nice ring to it.

I haven’t have any _person_ constant in my life after my parents died and I become blind. 

Constant fear... constant loneliness — that all I ever had ever since. 

Diana became constant in my life after our first meeting.

I was granted to stay at the orphanage for a few months.

Diana, she would often visit the orphanage since her aunt is still adamant on the life-lesson of being charitable. She never really got along with the other kids, so she would just stay with me and ask me to tell her about the books I’m reading. 

Whenever Diana’s there, it would be the days where I talk the most. I never really interact with the other kids since I can’t keep up with their pace. 

Her, making me read to her, and letting me tell her stories that I come up with, made me really happy — I just hope it’ll last.

I was told that, they’ve found the perfect foster home for me. 

I’m not sure if I should be happy with that or not. 

Not being at the orphanage means that, I won’t be able to be with Diana more often that we use to be. This would also mean that I have to get use to a new place, get use to new people, and hope that they won’t throw me to an institute after a few weeks. 

I’ve almost never been in the same orphanage or institute twice, so my expectation on getting back here is really low... I guess, my luck run out after being too happy for having a friend. 

I didn’t put up any fight and just went with it because, a blind, poor girl like me, can’t afford to be picky. 

The next day, the day of my moving — I knew Diana won’t be there. It’s fine though cuz I hate goodbyes.

I asked one of the volunteers to write a letter for me and pass it to Diana once she visits again — _I’ll really miss her._

It has only been few minutes of driving, and I already miss the orphanage. _I can’t believe I just said that._

The driver and the passenger in front (probably someone from the social services) has been awfully quiet, and I’m not sure if I like that.

”This is kind of tacky.” A very familiar voice said, making me almost jump from my seat. “I never peg you to be this tacky on writing a goodbye letter.” 

“Diana!” I might have said that a little too loud. “Ho-how... why?” I tried to say more or ask something, nothings really coming out. 

“How am I hear? Why am I here?” Diana completed it for me, giggling a little. “I’m here because Aunt Josephine asked me to personally pick-up her new foster kid.” She answered, pretending to be annoyed. “I just told her that, there’s this really nice girl at the orphanage that is having a hard time finding a nice foster home, so I suggested she should take her. I didn’t really thought she’ll take it seriously, but, here we are. Being charitable is si tiring.” She added, making me bark a laugh. The sarcasm is too cringy for me.

It took me a good few seconds before my brain process what she just said. “Wait — did you just... your Aunt is fostering me?”

”Don’t be too surprise, you’re not the first one. I told you about Cole before, right? Ohh you’ll love him! You should —“ she stops, I didn’t know why till she reach out to me, wiping tears off my face. 

When I realize that I was crying, it made me cry more. _I_ _haven’t cried like that in a long time — cried because of happiness._

_Ever since I met Diana, my heart have been full of warmth and fun — and, and, happiness, real happiness. Should I really be this happy?_

Diana’s right.

I did love Cole.

He’s sweet, intelligent, thoughtful, nice —not mention, smells really good. 

Aunt Josephine, she insisted that I call her that, she’s an epitome of an angel. I mean, she would scold us when it matters, but... I’ve never been with such person who would go to lengths, just so the blind girl she’s fostering will get what she needs and be comfortable. 

I don’t know how to thank them anymore. 

There’s a lot of time when I thought, I don’t deserve any of this, but then, Aunt Josephine would always say that, people who thinks they don’t deserve kindness are the ones who deserve it most — she makes me believe in _hope_ again. 

* * *

* * *

It has been almost a year now since I started to live with Aunt Josephine. 

All those days that I’ve live with them, were full of warmth, love, and happiness — I almost already forgot the bad days I had in my previous foster homes, the inedible food of the institutes, and the bully kids of the orphanage. 

Though I’m still blind, I almost don’t need to use my stick around the house anymore because, I finally was able to get fully familiarized, memorize, and adapt to my surroundings.

It’s a great feeling... not being alway so helpless.

“How’d you know that there’s no chance for you to be able to see anymore?” Cole suddenly asked out of nowhere. 

We were at the library, _reading_ our books (Aunt bought me a lot of books in Braille to let me enjoy literature as she would put it.) before our scheduled tea time with Aunt Josephine. 

It made me think about the day I woke up from my coma, but not being able to see anything. I was so confused, so afraid and scared on what was happening — it was not a very fine memory. 

“Now that you mentioned it. I’m actually not sure... I mean, I was too shock, too scared of what was happening to ask questions. I was also too young then, and they just told me both my parents were gone so... I guess, I just accepted it.” I confessed truthfully. 

“So, you mean to say that, you haven’t explore the possibilities yet of probably getting your sight back?” He sounded shock and offended. 

“I’m not sure, I want to get my hopes high. Beside, I already come in terms with it.” 

I didn’t want the conversation to continue, and Cole have understood it, so he didn’t push the topic anymore. 

That night, it made me think deeper about the possibility of _seeing_ again. 

The thought of being able to see the faces of the people I have come to love... being able to see the beauty and moracles of the world — the very thought of not being afraid everytime I go to a new place. 

_Should I risk the feeling of disappointment?_

The only thing I’ve heard from what was being said to me, is the part where I was told that, _I have a chance to see again_. That’s it — everything else that the doctor was saying seems to got tune out. 

I didn’t care about how they’ll be doing it, I just — I can feel tears running down my face. All those years that I thought there wouldn’t be a chance for me to see the world again, all those years that I keep telling myself to accept my fate because there wouldn’t be hope for me... I can’t — I can’t believe it. 

I can feel Diana and Cole wrapping their arms around me... crying with me in relief, glad, and happiness. This just — it feels like a miracle. 

_I’ll be able to see again._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I been writing like crazy in the past days haha  
> Hope you like this one 🥰

_I feel light... relax, comfortable, and love._

_The smell of something earthy and pines are enveloping me — I love this smell._

_My mouth curls in a contented smile._

_I can feel his breath on my neck, and it kind of tickles, but, I’m also so comfortable that I don’t dare to move._

_The rise and fall of our chest synchronize, adding more comfort to my heart. I can feel too many butterflies in my stomach and it doesn’t bother me, not a tiny bit._

_Our hands were intertwined tightly, his thumb brushing the top of mine sweetly. I stare at our hands thinking how it fits so perfectly, how the warmth of his palms made me feel in good daze._

_I blink my daze for a moment, and look at the view in front of us, and right now, I’m seeing the most amazing sunset — the calm hit of the ocean to the shore, the light breeze that passing us... it’s so simple, yet, so dazzling and sensational._

_He chuckles, pulling me closer, and wrapping his arms around me tight. He nuzzle at the crook of my neck and softly place chaste kisses, tracing down to my shoulder._

_I couldn’t help but release an almost sexual sigh._

_”You’re going to marry me.” He said. It was not a question, but a certain proud and confident statement. “I’ll make sure of that.” He finished, sounding kind of smug._

_I almost laugh loudly, but contained it, only letting out a breathy chuckles, ”Maybe start with a ring and will see if I say yes... or no.”_

_He made a somewhat offended sound, ”You’ll say yes, and you’ll marry me.” He said again, a little bit firm but not in a commanding way. He’s just really confident that I’ll do — and I believe him, but... you got to tease the guy a little right?_

_I shake my head no, finally letting out the laugh I’m keep trying to contain — He then started to tickle me, not liking how I was teasing him._

_Blood._

_There’s blood on my hands and on my chest._

_How —?_

_I felt my body limp and drop on the ground as I try to catch my breath._

_Someone was holding me and there’s this strange noise around me, like someone was talking to me, but, I can’t —_

_My breathing hitch when I felt someone put a hard pressure on my chest, like, he’s is trying to stop the bleeding that will soon steal the life out of me._

_I’m suddenly feeling really tired, but someone was trying to keep me wake, telling me not to close my eyes and just look at him._

_I can’t... anymore._

_Wasn’t this supposed to feel extremely painful? Having a hole on your chest, and bleeding out should have been unbearable right? I asked myself, confused on why the feeling of tiredness is much greeter than anything._

_I let my eyes rest as everything fades._

It always wakes me up with tears in my eyes and an extreme feeling of sadness, and regret. 

Sometimes I would not even realized that I’m already awake, and I would cry hard thinking it’s still part of the dream — sobbing like something is squeezing my heart tightly. 

It’s not always the same scene, but is always the same pattern.

Starts with something beautiful, something lovely, something amazing, and then... It’ll end with that scene — _blood in my hands, feeling pain, despair, sadness, and then, feeling nothing..._

I’m not sure how I get these dream... sometimes, it feels so real, so lucid, that It feels more of a memory than a dream — but it’s impossible for it to be a memory of mine.

It kinds of messes with my head.

_Maybe that’s me in some kind of parallel world? If it is... how my life there ended, is just so sad._

My imaginations run wild when I think of these dreams. 

You know what’s weird though? Is that, the dreams are always with the same person — same guy. I’m not entirely sure how I know that, because the moment I wake up, I can’t seem to put a face on him, like, I just forget how he looks like once I open my eyes.

_If I can just remember his face I could actually asked Cole to draw him for me, Cole’s really good at his drawings and other art stuff — maybe, if I know how he looks like, if I can put a face on that person, I’ll have a chance to know if he’s a real person or just really a figure of my extreme imaginations._

_— but if he is a real person, how would that explain the dreams? Or memories, or whatever it is. It just doesn’t make sense right? —_

What’s weirder though, and this is how or why I somewhat feels the dreams are real like a memory, because... I can really feel him, his love, his promises, his pain, his misery, his everything! It’s like, like we’ve known each others souls — that kind of feeling can’t be a fragment of my imagination right? Like, how can it? Right? 

_Ahhh_ , I should stop entertaining these thoughs... It’s not good for my brain. But it’s so hard to ignore! Especially since, these dreams happens at least twice a month. If these dreams continue, and I don’t have an answer why it’s happening, I might just turn myself in to a mental facility.

* * *

* * *

“Your eyes are so red.” Cole pointed out, as I walk toward the kitchen counter. He was almost finish making breakfast. 

“Is is really that bad?” I asked, and he just nodded with a distaste look on his face, as he push a plate of pancakes to me. 

“Just be glad that you don’t have classes today. The kids will be horrified to see you.” He tease, then taking a sit in front of me and started to eat his own breakfast. 

“You do know that most of the kids I teach are blind?” I shot back, giving him disapproving looks. 

He throw a piece of pankage to my side and mumble something I didn’t understand, while he was chewing. He then swallowed and said, “You’re the worst! You know what I’m talking about.”

_Yeah, I do. I was just kidding._

Cole and I both teach at one of Aunt Josephine’s foundations, though, Cole only teach when he has time cuz he’s mostly occupied with his arts. At a young age he already made a name in the Art industry — being able to have his own month long, show exhibit at the age of 15. 

He can actually stop teaching and just focus in his arts, and he may not say it, but I know, he’s somewhat doing this for me. 

The kids we teach, are the one’s that needs a lot of patience, understanding, and love. We teach kids with disability and special needs... we don’t only give academic education, but, we also teach them how to _live life_ with their disabilities. It sounds bad but, that how it is — I just want to help these kids, the way I was help by the people who loves me. 

“Don’t you think it’s becoming more frequent now?” He asked. At first I didn’t get what he was asking, but then, I realized he was talking about how my eyes were red. _Ahh, he knows about the dreams, like how Diana knows it, and how Aunt knows it too._

 _Well,_ it’s impossible for them not to know cuz they are the once who would run to my side when I wake up almost screaming, and sobbing really hard. 

They were all terrified and so worried about me when it first occurs, also because it started happening just few months after my recovery from the transplant, but, no doctors can really explain what was happening to me.

So we turn to psychiatrists — they said that it may be because of my brain being in shock... that after so many years in the dark, when I was able to see again, my brain created some sort of another reality. 

_Yeah..._ It actually took few more years after I was told that I have a big chance of getting my sight back, before I was actually able to see again.

Finding a donor is really hard cuz it’s not something that someone could just give away. And this will sound really bad, but, you have to wait for that person to be dying, like, someone who have really no chance to live anymore, before you get the donated cornea (cuz getting it from someone who still have a chance to live will obviously make them blind, not to mention: brutal and inhuman.)

Finding a donor is already hard, finding a match is even harder — then there’s also these line of people, from kids to adult, that are waiting to find a cornea match, and this line is really, really long. 

I found out that I still have a chance to see again at the age of 14, and I was able to finally get to see again at the age of 20 — and it’s been two years since then. 

And I’ve been seeing psychiatrist since then too, but, the dreams never disappeared. And now, it is getting more _frequent_ — just like Cole said.

“I’m still going to be your date for the party tonight right?” _Yep_ , that’s right Anne, go change the subject — I don’t really like them getting too worried for me.

Cole stared at me for a good few seconds cuz of my obvious change of subject, before answering, “I’m thinking of asking Diana now. I don’t want a lady with red eyes hanging around me as my date — that’s not good for my image.” 

Now it’s my time to throw a piece of pancake at him, “Shut up! I’m sure it’ll turn back later, also, Diana already has a date.”

”The french guy?” The disapproving look in Cole’s face make me want to laugh. 

“Just because he looks kinda douchy doesn’t mean he is. And he has a name, it’s Jerry — give the guy a benefit of a doubt, will you? Don’t you trust Diana’s taste in men?”

And he said yes in a very confident tone, that made me laugh real hard. It made me think of Diana’s dating disaster with Moody before and I’m sure that’s what Cole is also thinking, “You’re a dick sometimes, do you know that?” 

“Like you don’t agree.” He rolled his eyes and finished his breakfast. 

The _party_ was really not much of a party. Everyone’s waiting for the main event, and that is, the auction.

This is Aunt’s yearly auction, or what me, Cole, and Diana called: yearly spring time cleaning, because the pieces that will be sold in the auction are Mostly Aunt’s collection of antics that she suddenly don’t want anymore, or the jewelries that was gifted to her by old suitors that she actually didn’t like (Aunt likes receiving gifts doesn’t mean she’s interested, she’ll say). This year though, will be the first time Cole will include few of his own works — all proceeds will go to the Aunt’s foundations. 

Though this is not much of a party, we like being here because of the opportunity of meeting all different kinds of personalities

_I once met the Beckhams’, I was so starstruck I didn’t have any recollection of our meeting._

We also sometimes auction books and artifacts, and those collector we met have some eye opening stories and really great insights in life. 

“These heels are killing me.” I complained, holding tightly to Cole’s arm. 

“I told you to wear a different shoes before remember?” It was not a question, he was just reminding me of my stubbornness and vainness. 

“But this looks good on my green dress.” I said, pouting my lips, silently asking him to take pity on me. 

“Well then, stop complaining and endure it.” The grim in his smile made me shiver — well... I may have been complaining about my feet, since we got in here. 

“Where’s Diana anyway?” His question made me look around the place, trying to find Diana. _Maybe she’s running late?_

And then, in these sea of people chattering and drinking their champagnes, My eyes catch a glimpse of this person, smiling while talking animately to someone _— why do I suddenly feel sad? I don’t even know the guy._

I kept my gaze on him, the noisy chattering from my surrounding fading, then... I only see him, and my chest feels a little too tight. _Why_ —? 

”Anne are you alright?” Diana was suddenly in front of me, her face sketched with worry. “Anne?” Her called again. 

I blink and a tear fell off my eyes. I wipe it fast, forgetting that I might smudge my make-up, “Yeah, Im fine.” I assured her, holding her hand in mine and squeezing it a bit. “I’m good, I promise! I think something just caught my eyes.” 

The look in her face shows the she didn’t believe me, but, she decided not to push it. She didn’t let go of my hand, softly dragging me with her to the main hall as the auction is about to start. 

I look back to the direction of the _him_ , but he was not there anymore. 

I place my free hand to my chest, the sadness was still there, _What the hell is happening with you Anne?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do tell me if I wrote something offending or wrong.  
> I’m not really sure if I misuse the word ‘disability’ and ‘special needs’. I don’t want this to come out to people that I’m making fun of people with conditions.  
> I may be not that much of a good person, but, I will never use someone else condition to put then down. I’m not horrible or trashy, or at least I’m trying real hard not to be.  
> So please, please do let me know.  
> \- Camille


	3. Chapter 3

It didn’t last 10 minutes after the auction started, that I got shoos away to bed.

All three of us, or, four actually... I didn’t notice Jerry was with us, not until Diana was saying her goodnight to him a little too early because of me — I felt bad a little for him. Anyway, we met with Aunt Josephine who’s talking to Rollings, her loyal and trusted assistant or most of the times butler, they are probably talking about the last minute review about the items that are up for the auction; the moment Aunt catch a glimpse of me, her face turned to worry.

“What in heavens —! You look so pale my child, what happened?” Aunt pointed, touching my face to feel my temperature.

Both Diana and Cole, snap a worried look at me... _My skin might have not look that pale just few minutes ago, cuz Diana held me got tighter, and Cole were also suddenly placing his hand on my face like he’ll feel a different thing than Aunt._

I wasn’t able to answer Aunt’s question, getting overwhelmed from their attentions, but Aunt didn’t seem to mind and just said, “Bring her to her room, she looks like she’s about to faint.” She directed to Cole or maybe Diana, I’m not quite sure. “And call doctor —“

”No —“ I was finally able to speak, all of them looking at me again, “I’m fine, really! Just — yeah... a little faint is all.” I reasoned, nobody seems to believe me though, “I just didn’t much sleep for the past 2 days, this is just probabaly fatigue. We don’t really need to call a doctor, I’ll be fine.” Instead of reassuring, I probably sounded almost pleading. 

I hate really the feeling that eats me up whenever they worry like this about me — I really appreciate it, it’s just... it makes me feel that, I’m that helpless blind girl again. 

The looks they are giving me were still sketch with a lot of worry, but, at least... I can also see understanding. _They don’t believe that I’m okay, but at least they understand that I don’t feel good or comfortable on how they hover and act around me — I just sounded unreasonable there._

I was escorted by Diana and Cole to the room that Cole and I checked in. The event is held in one of the Barry’s Family Hotel (Yeah... Diana is an Heiress to a huge wealthy family. It’s amazing how down to earth their family is, cuz I know that sometimes, money can blind people. They deserve their wealth.)

“I’m okay, you two can go back to the party.” I told them as I lay down the bed, all ‘party outfit, make-up, and accessories’ strip off of me, and I’m just wearing a big comfortable shirt (that I stole from Cole).

”And risk being butchered by Aunt Josephine? No, thank you” Diana joked, while helping me be comfortable in bed. “If you don’t want a doctor poking around you tonight, you better let me and Cole stay here with you.” She warned, sighing to herself... thinking — I can feel that she really wants a doctor to look onto me, yet, she’s keeping it to herself.

It kind of sucks that they become more worried about me after I got my vision back, than when I was blind. 

I remember, I was still living in the dark, it was always: you have to know this, you have to learn this, you have to be able to do this so that people will not take advantage of you... _we will not let you feel helpless, and we will always be here to support you, you’ll never lose us — I believe I never will have to lose them. It’s just —_ after I got to see again, it’s just constant asking if I’m okay, if I slept alright, if my headache is unbearable (there are times I’d had headache just from the brightness of the sun, making me nauseous and sick.), if I remember to drink my meds, if —

“Cole told me that you’re having the _dreams_ more frequently now... do you think —“

”Yeah, I should have asked for warranty after the surgery.” I joked, not letting her finish. I know she’ll suggest another session with a psychiatrist, and I really don’t like talking to them. “Do you think they’ll take it back?” I added to the joke, which Diana didn’t see as amusing.

Diana closed her eyes, looking like she’s restraining herself not to scream at me — I wish she does though, they’ve been so careful around me the pass few weeks. “You don’t mean that.” 

_I don’t,_ I want to say but I couldn’t bring my self to do so. 

”I’m sorry that I cut your night early with Jerry. I know you really like him.” I told her instead. 

”It’s fine.” Her expression turning softly now, “Besides, if he likes me as much as he said he is, then he’ll understand. If not... well then, I’ll just have to find a new french guy to date.” We both laugh at her sentiment, it was quickly stop though. “You should rest.” She said, taking a quick check if I’m comfortable enough, “I need a nice long warm bath cuz you’re kind of stressing me, our Anne with an ‘e’” she joked, making us both giggling again, then she kiss my cheek goodnight then went on her way. 

* * *

* * *

I woke up gasping for air. 

I don’t remember having any dreams though, I just — I look at my bedside to see Diana peacefully sleeping. I’m glad I didn’t wake her.

I have already catched up with my breathe, shaking my head to remember why I woke up like that. I really don’t remember dreaming, though... I somehow felt like someone was touching my face, I can still feel the ghost of it.

I hear a soft clatter outside the room, and thought of Cole. 

“Hey.” I said, as I softly closed door, spotting Cole at the small kitchen making some tea.

”Why are you up?” His nose were wringkled while asking.

”I don’t know.” And that was the truth, I got to the small kitchen and sat on one of the stool. “I could asked you the same thing though.”

”Like you don’t know I have problems with sleeping.” He bark an unhumored laugh.

I do know he have insomia. We’ve been leaving together for half of our life and we always find each other awake at night.

There’s been a lot of things that we were able to talk about on those sleepless nights, and I know that, there will still be a lot that we will be talking about. I love our night talks, even though mostly, we talk about our pains, things that we will never tell other people... not even Diana or Aunt — we love them, we do, and we appreciate all they’ve done for us, we will never trade them for anything, it’s just... there’s this feeling that we know only us would understand. Maybe it’s because we both lost our parents at a young age — maybe because we lost a lot of thing, lost a lot of love one’s at a young age. 

Cole’s parent are actually still alive and are prabably living there miserable life somewhere — he doesn’t wanna know and he doesn’t want to find out. _It’s as good as them being dead,_ he would say. At first I didn’t understand it, but he told me how he suffer in the hands of his family, how they never really treat him as their son.

He almost died from the beatings of his father, he got lucky (if that’s even what it was) that one of their neighbors heard the screaming and the breaking of things, and called the police. They lost custody of him and Cole’s got thrown in the system of fosters home, till Aunt Josephine found him. 

I would ask him if he thinks he could forgive them and he would say: 

_Just because they have the same blood as you, doesn’t mean that they should have it easy with your forgiveness, and if you do forgive, that doesn’t mean that you have to reconnect with them — you don’t owe them that, that’s not your responsibility, and it will never be a bad thing or hideous way of choosing to live your life like that._

He pushed a cup of tea in front of me, and asked, “Are you okay?“ and before I could open my mouth to answer, he added, “and don’t tell me that you are, cuz I know you’re not.”

I gave him a sleepy smile and answered, “then why ask?” Few a few seconds, I gave his question a thought and finally said, “I’m not sure.” He look at me, not too surprised and waiting for me to say more. “It’s been 2 years Cole... and don’t get me wrong, I really, really appreciate it... it’s just —“

”exhausting to convince people that you’re okay... and if not, you can actually handle it? Or at least they should let you try?” He said, trying to complete my answer, and I nodded cuz he’s right. “I understand Anne... you guys are like that to me whenever the topic of my parents come up.” He explained, and again, he is correct. We’re more sensitive and too bothered with the topic of his parent that he is, “It’s hard not to worry for the people you love, even though you know full well that they can and they will be able to manage.” He paused, looking more at the cup he was holding, like he’s reading somthing on it, “It’s also the feeling of being wanted — that fear of not being needed by the people you love.”

”But I’ll alway need you, all of you... like how you’ll always need us.”

”I know... human brain and emotions works so complicatedly.” He breaths out a little loud and took his last sip of tea. I look at mine and didn’t even realized I’ve finish. “We should sleep.” He said, setting the cups to the sink. 

”Can I sleep with you? I don’t wanna wake Diana.”

”You’re going to make her real jealous and mad.” He jokes, Diana doesn’t like being left alone on bed whenever we sleep together. 

”She’ll live.” I didn’t wait for him to say yes, I just followed him to his room. 

When I was crawling to his bed first, he look at me in disbelief and said, “Before I forgot, can you please stop stealing my shirts? You and Diana both, actually.”

I didn’t answer cuz he knows we can’t promised that and he’ll let us steal his shirts anyway.

* * *

* * *

The light of the sun coming from the window was burning my eyes when I woke up. 

I felt dizzy, but I didn’t want to stay in bed, so I got up and I realized that I was alone and that Cole was not in bed anymore. 

I took a step forward and felt more nauseous, I had to hold onto the bed frame to support my weight. 

“Cole.” I called, but, it was too low, even I can’t hear my own voice.

The room was spinning and there's this screeching sound on my ears that’s hurting my head. 

I close my eye tightly and covered my ears, even though I knew the sound wasn’t coming from the room — the sound is hurting my head so bad. 

I tried to concentrate on something else, try to listen to something else, but it is not working. 

Then I hear a faint sound of someone calling me. I’m sure it was calling to me but I’m not sure if it was saying my name, yet, it made me open my eyes. 

I can fell my tears running down my face, my breathing started to hitch. My vision was blurry, too blurry to see anything in my surroundings. I can feel panic enveloping me as my vision starts to darkened every second.

The faint voice called again and I snap a look to my left, only to see a somewhat man silhouette figure. _What_ —? It was coming close to me and then — _darkness_.

I was still conscious, I know it, that silhoutte figure or whatever that is feels really, really, close to me. My eyes are open... but I can’t see anything. _Wha-what? No, no, no! I can’t —_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And suddenly it became a horror story... this is not a horror story okay hahahaha
> 
> Did you know, stress can cause blindness? I watched a movie before where the lead suddenly went blind due to extreme stress, and it got me real curious. I found that, the stress hormone cortisol can actually damage the eye and brain and disrupt blood flow in these parts of the body. Doctors believe that stress may be one of the major causes of eye diseases, like glaucoma, a group of diseases that damages the optic nerve and can lead to blindness.
> 
> So there’s that — I need to stop writing... I mean rest hahaha I been writing nonstop the past few days. I need to read my books cuz I paid for those HAHAHA 
> 
> Again, thoughts are alway welcome 🥰
> 
> Kisses xx


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello.
> 
> I’m still recovering from finishing ‘When you take my hand’, trying to focus my head again. I hope I did justice to the stories and did right for the ending.
> 
> Now back to this haha, I’m starting to get pump for this story — how bout’ you? Let me know at the comment what are your thoughts on this 🥰🥰🥰
> 
> Ps: Shameless plug — If you haven’t read my sequel for ‘Until Dawn’, please do visit my dashboard and find ‘Another night’ I promised that it’s cute and you’ll enjoy it HAHAHA shameless plug end ~~~

“Steady... keep your eyes open for me please.” His been asking me to do that for far too many times now — the doctor, I mean. I sighed deeply, still following but him, but thinking how I wanted this to end already. 

We’ve been at the hospital for few hours now, the doctors been doing all sort of test on me to make sure nothing is wrong with me or my eyes... and making sure that no permanent damaged happened after my horrifying episode this morning. 

_Temporary blindness or stress induced blindness —_ that’s what they are calling what happened to me. Apparently, my stress hormones are blocking something in brain that cause me the temporary lost of vision. I didn’t even know there was such thing as blindness cause by stress — they made sure though that it was nothing so serious, and that, it’s was not my body rejecting the cornea.

The tests were not supposed to be as many as this, or as rabid and keenly as this if Cole and Diana didn’t found me kneeling on the floor, crying like crazy, and screaming at the top of my lungs that I can’t see — I don’t even remember that happening, I only remember waking up feeling like shit, then seeing a silhouette figure, then blacking out.

I haven’t told anyone about the part were I saw a silhouette figure... not yet at least. I don’t want them thinking that I finally lost my mind.

So I suck it up and let Cole, and Diana, AND Aunt Josephine, to request and demand (or actually threaten) all the doctors around to do all the test they can do and make sure I’m okay. 

Another deep sigh left me, trying not to think so much of what happened.

The test and all other shenanigans finally finished almost time for dinner.

We left with Aunt demanding (or again threatening) the doctors to priorities and immediately release my test results. I didn’t protest or made reasons with her or even with Diana and Cole because I know they will not listen, and besides... they’re just so worried for me. I can not be angry with that — though it’s kind of uncomfortable.

”Eat.” Diana pointed, as she put more food on my plate.

I look on my plate full of food and realize, I haven’t even touch the food I manage bring on my plate when the food started to arrive at table. 

”Anne, stop spacing out and eat.” Cole pointed out next, tugging my elbow with worry hanging on his tone. 

“Sorry, I think the visit at the hospital kind of drained me, and I don’t have that much of an appetite too.” I said honestly, putting my hands down my lap and giving them weak smile. “Can I just call it a night?” 

”Don’t be ridiculous child! You didn’t even had breakfast or lunch, and now you’re not going to have dinner? At least eat even a little bit. We’re not letting you sleep with an empty stomach.” Aunt Josephine insisted. 

I breathe in deeply — I should really stop making them worry, I don’t want this to add to what they will demand to know from the doctors on my next visit at the hospital. I can already feel there will be a lot of future visits, and I’m already loathing it. 

So I ate like they wanted me too.

Then the next morning came, and it was almost a constant reminder of what had happened yesterday — not the episode, but, the constant worry and the unessesary hovering.

It continue for the next few days.

And since what happened to me was due to stress, they’ve been insistent on me to visit a psychiatrist again. 

”I’ll go okay.” I said, sighing in defeat. “I’ll visit Doctor Morell after my class, just please stop the unessesary attentions.” I groan in annoyance, walking out on Diana and Cole, and head to the foundation for class.

At least for the rest of the morning and afternoon, I was able to relax and forget the worries of my family, with the kids that I’m teaching.

After my class though, the impending thoughts of visiting mind doctors again finally caught me. I mean, they’re not too bad, just... they play with words, they talk and act like they know you when what they only know are what’s on their records.

And it’s exhausting... to explain again and again, what you’ve been through, what you are feeling, and what you are thinking.

I’ve had 3 psychiatrist for the last 2 years, and it was not fun. I keep changing doctors because they always refuse to acknowledge that, this, the thing that’s happening to me, is not a result of a trauma, but, something else. I don’t know what, but no... it’s not from trauma. 

The session with Dr. Morell was kind of dull at first, then became somehow annoying at the end. 

_Are the dreams you’re having still the same? Do you think that what happened that morning has something to do with your dreams? What do you feel about the dreams now? I heard it’s becoming more frequent. What do you do after waking up from the dream?_

Dr. Morell is really good at her job, I don’t hate her, but I don’t specifically like her. She’s just really so good at what she’s doing that she’s been my psychiatrist for the longest time.

She does help... but it still hasn’t gone away.

I answered her as calmly as I can, and as truthful as I can, cause I know, she may not tell all the details of our session to my family (because of doctor-patient confidentiality) but she will tell them something — and that something will either ease them or make them more worried about me.

* * *

* * *

The session lasted for about 40 minutes, which felt so long actually. 

I look at my watch and saw that there’s still a lot of time before dinner, so I decided to find a bookstore and probably buy couple of books. 

My love for books never changed... actually, my love for books increased that moment I was able to see again. The images, the pictures, the arts — I been so happy to see those things again I cried the first time I held a book after the surgery.

I was silently reading a book that took my interest, leaning a little at the bookshelf on my back when someone excuse himself, reaching for a book on top behind me. 

The world felt like it slowed the moment my eyes landed on his face. 

_I know him,_ I thought. Though I’m not really sure how, but... I really, really feel like I know him. 

Raven hair with curls, looking really soft to touch. Eyes green with specks of gold and blue. His jaw, it’s like... it was sculpted perfectly by a renaissance artist.

_I couldn’t take my eye off of him._

He was asking me something that I didn’t hear right away, as he clears his throat, I was bought back to reality. “Sorry, what?” I asked, looking at him confuse.

“The books behind you... I need to see.” He’s trying his best not to come out rude, which was cute. He was motioning again to my back and I realized I haven’t still moved. 

“Ohh right, sorry!” I move quickly, almost tripping on my own foot. I might have really look silly because I heard him chuckle a bit.

I watched him as he studies the books line up, reading on the tittles and it’s author, and then, finally picking two books that he needed. When he made a quick glance on me, I suddenly felt like a creep, so I turn quickly and walk away like I just didn’t just stared at him for more than a minute — _what are you doing Anne?_

I’m pretty sure he also thinks I’m a creep, though, he didn’t say anything about it, _thank_ _god_. 

We met again at the counter while I pay for my books and he waits behind me for his turn. I was feeling really tense and awkward, and I don’t even why — it’s not like he’ll go and talk to me! He doesn’t even know me!

I’m feeling really embarrass for the staring that I did earlier, that I almost run out of the store after I got my purchase and receipt. I was already out of the store when someone called to me, making me turn around. 

“You drop this.” He said, handing me a handkerchief. 

It was my handkerchief... but, I was so hesitant to reach for it because, the guy returning it, is the same guy I stared at creepily. So, I stood there like an idiot, staring at his hand holding my handkerchief. 

He waited for me to take it, and when I didn’t he reached for my hand, putting the thing on my palm, and closing my hand to have a grip on it, then letting go of me quickly. 

I just stood there dumbfounded, not being able to say anything, not even a thanks. I heard him sigh a little that made me panic — _Okay, stop being a creep Anne!_

He stood there for a few second, and I can feel him studying me, while I just wished for him to go, it also kind of pissing me off that my feet won’t move. 

“Do we know each other?” He asked, making me look at his face. He’s looking a bit puzzled, trying to think hard if he knows me from somewhere. “Have I done something unpleasant to you before?” 

I’m not sure why he asked that, he also looks like he’s not sure why he asked that. I shake my head no, and was finally able to speak, “No, I don’t think we’ve met before.” _But, I feel like I know you._ He release an almost quiet ‘ohh’ then rub his neck a little. “Why did you asked if you’ve done something unpleasant to me? Have you done something unpleasant to someone before?” I asked, out of curiosity.

He looked surprised at my question, and I thought he wouldn’t answer, but he chuckled and said, “I hope not. Just...” he was somewhat hesitated before continuing, “Your eyes... you look at me earlier like you recognized me, like you knew me... and I’m bad with remembering people who I only met once and I’m also kind of dumb with communicating with people so, I just thought, maybe —“ 

“Well, you’re dealing just fine with communicating with me.” I interrupted, liking how his eyebrows are almost touching, showing embarrass expression. “I mean — I was the one staring at you creepily.” We both kind of laugh, all awkward and tension gone.

“For what it’s worth... I didn’t think you’re looking at me creepily.” 

“Thanks”, I said, giving him a really big smile that is kind of hurting my face now, but I didn’t care.

He gave me a smile too that’s almost mirroring mine, It felt really nice inside. _What really nice smile... and that face —_ I look down, feeling heat on my face. 

I notice then that he’s not holding any bag with him, curious, I asked, “Where are your books?” 

“Oh right! I left it at the counter to catch up on you.” His looks of realization was a bit funny. His eyebrows alone shows so much expression and emotion. “I should...” he was pointing back at the store. 

And as much as I want to keep talking, ”Yeah, go —“ I let him go. 

He took a few steps back showing hints of hesitation to go back that made me giggle, before he finally turns back fully. But after a few strides, he returns to me and said, “I’m sorry, but... I can’t go without knowing your name. I need to get your name.” He looks so adorable at the moment, I couldn’t stop myself from smiling like an idiot. 

“Anne, Anne shirley.” I said, offering my hand for a shake to seal our acquaintance. “And you are?” 

“Gilbert Blythe.” 

He’s smiling widely, making my heart race a little, but the moment our hands touch... and when he grips it a little tighter — my racing heart felt so heavy. My lungs slowly constricting, making it hard to breath. 

_What’s happening?_

I can hear Gilbert asking me if somethings wrong, or if I was okay, but I couldn’t reply. 

My vision is now slowly blurring, and my head is clouding. 

I’m hearing voices in my head, but it’s not clear for me to understand. 

I felt Gilbert putting his hand on my shoulder, his other hand still holding to mine. I tried to focus on my hand he was holding, _and god!_ I think I’m hallucinating.

There’s blood in my hands — our hands.

I closed my eyes tight, wishing for that image to be gone, but when I open my eyes again, the blood were still there.

_What’s happenning? I don’t — Am I really losing my mind?_


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi... I’ve been lazy for the past few days after the rush of energy to write tons a week before. 
> 
> I’m so inconsistent... sorry hehe 😚
> 
> Just hope you guys are liking this fic 😘 drop a comment on what you think about this 🥰🥰🥰 
> 
> Kisses!! 
> 
> -Camille

My head aches and felt so heavy, _fuck_... will this really be a common occurrence everytime I wake up now? 

I can feel the beaded sweat on my forehead and on my neck, I feel really uncomfortable and sticky. 

I had the energy to blink a couple of times and open my eyes widely now, and was greeted with unfamiliarity. 

_Where_? I was able to sit up using my elbows as leverage, wincing at the radiating pain of my head. 

“Ohh you’re awake!” A beautiful darkskin woman suddenly appeared on my sight that I was not able to study my surrounding anymore, and her enthusiasm almost made me jump off the bed. 

_Who_ —? My throat constrict, and I know I was not really able to say that. Though she might have got my confuse expression that she started to introduced herself. “I’m Mary and you’re at our house —“

 _Why_ —? 

I couldn’t push out my voice, but Mary’s really good on picking up on my confusion. Before she continue she handed me a glass of water that I took without second thinking, and then drinking it all in one swig — if there’s a poison in it, I’m already dead. I feel a little good after drinking the water though so... and besides, Mary doesn’t look like a bad person.

”You don’t rememeber what happened?” She asked, but before I could even think of what has happened, and on how I ended up in a strangers house, she already answered it for me. “Gilbert — he brought you here, saying that you suddenly fainted while you two were talking. I told him he should have took you to the hospital instead of here, but, he said it’s kind of unessesary and pulled out the ‘I’m a doctor’ card on me and said if you need a hospital he’ll know.” She finished almost laughing at the memory. 

_Gilbert_?

I shake my head and tried to remember who that person is, and again, to the last thing I remember before ending up here. The wave of memories suddenly embrace me and I felt kind of nauseous. 

_The bookstore... the gorgeous guy... my handkerchief... the lovely conversation... Gilbert... his hand — our hand... the blood._

The last one made me groan with the pain of my head suddenly asking to be notice. I place a hand over my forehead and massage it, hoping it’ll ease the pain. 

Mary then place a hand on my shoulder, asking if I’m okay, and just told her that my head kind of aches, that made her run out of the room saying that she’ll grab some advil for me — Mary is proving to be a very nice lady.

A loud ring pull me out of my reverie and found my bag laying on the bedside drawer. 

“Hey —“ I said, answering my phone without looking on the screen or who called.

”Where the hell are you?!” Cole shouted on the other line, making me put the phone out of my ear and making wince a little. When I put it back on my ears, I was about shout back, but he beat me out of it, “You didn’t show up at dinner! And we thought you’re just running late, but it’s midnight and you’re still gone without a word! And goddamned Anne! We called like a thousand times and left you hundreds of messages, that you didn’t bother to pick up or reply back! Where the hell are you?!” He sounded so exasperated, he paused for a bit and took the chance to explain myself.

”I was just —“

”Do you know how worried we are?” He asked tiredly, I can already picture him pinching the bridge pf his nose, trying to calm himself. I hear him sigh deeply again and then continue without waiting for any response from me. “Please get back home safe before Aunt Josephine calls all of Canada’s police enforcer to look for you.”

I wanted to explain, really, and I know he wanted to know why I went MIA for a couple of hours, but, it’s more likely he wanted me home first before all explaination happened. ”I’m sorry...” I said, hoping that he still haven’t hang up the call. 

”Just get home safely, or do you need me to pick you up?” He asked, voice all concern and all.

”No, it’s okay.” _I_ _think... maybe Gilbert will be kind enough to drive me home, or maybe, someone else here in this home will be kind enough to do so._

”Okay... I’ll calmed down Diana and Aunt, I’ll tell them you’re okay and on your way home.”

 _Uuggh_ , a panicked Diana and Aunt is not a very good combination. _So much for trying to not make them so worried about me, good job Anne._ ”Okay.”

”And while you’re at it — think of a very good explaination why you almost gave the three of us a heart attack, even Rollings thought he’ll have to pull up some strings with his military buddy just to find you... get home safe okay?”

”Okay.” I replied with my most assuring voice, forgetting my throbbing head, forgetting everything that happened a couple of hours ago, and started to fix myself to get home. 

After a few minutes as I finished putting my shoes on (that they nicely put down at the foot of the bed), Mary appear with trat of sandwiches, a big glass of water, and two advils. _Huh, so that’s why it took her time to get back._

 _“_ You’re going to go? It’s pretty late now, you know... and I made sandwiches.” She looks a little down, “I gather you haven’t had dinner yet, and I don’t want you to take the advils without anything on your stomach.” She finishes, sounding somewhat hopeful that I change my mind on going. _This woman is really nice and so hard to turn down too — no Anne, you don’t want the whole Canada military to come and drag you back home._

I shivered at the thought, cause it is not far of reality... Diana, Aunt and even Rollings (as Cole already said) would surely be able to pull of some strings to make it happened if I’m still not home in the next hour. It amazed me how they think I’m that important to them, and I’m super thankful for it.

”Yeah, I really need to get home. My family is so worried that I didn’t show up at dinner and was not able to call or text them why... I don’t want them to think I got kidnapped or something.” 

“Okay, I understand.” She sounded really down that our small acquittance has come to an end, and — _I just realized... did she stay up late to take care of me? It’s almost 1am. “_ Let me get my husband to drive you home, I don’t feel like getting a young and beautiful girl like you a cab is a safe at this time anymore.”

“Thanks.” I told her with a smile and a blush at the mention of my said beauty... and it’s kind of weird, that, I feel real safe and that I already trust this lady that I only met a few minutes ago. _Weird_ , I feel like I know here too.

* * *

* * *

“I’m sorry about my wife... she just really likes taking care of people, and playing nurse.” Sebastian said (or just Bash, actually. He told me to just call him that), as he drives off the curb of their house. He was smiling too much at the thought of his wife and I think it’s really cute. Bash didn’t even complain when his wife shakes him off to wake and drag him out of their room to tell him that he needs to drive me home. 

Bash was confuse at first but looks like he remembered something and then composed and introduced himself in a very nice manner. 

“— all those doctor and medical thing Gilbert doing is rubbing of off her.” Bash added, taking a quick glance at me then back to the road.

I’ve only then realized that I haven’t seen Gilbert since I woke up, and I kind of have forgotten about him when Cole called and the only thing in my mind was to get home fast — I’m curious what he told Bash and Mary about me when he brought me to their house, and _was it even his house too? I mean... he won’t bring me to his friends house and ask them to look after me for a moment right?_

 _“_ I forgot to asked Mary earlier, but, where’s Gilbert? I haven’t seen him since —“

“Ohh! That young man was called at his hospital few minutes after he brought you home. He wasn’t even able to explain to us the whole context of ‘bringing an unconscious woman’ to the house.” He paused for a second, probably thinking of the ‘ _whole context of bringing an unconscious woman home’, “_ he didn’t kidnapped you did he?” He sunddenly asked, looking at me grimly. 

“Ohh no! He didn’t. I mean, he’s too handsome to be an abductor” I replied a little to fast, and a little too out of mind. _Gosh, Anne! What the hell are you saying!_ I suddenly want to slap myself.

Bash laugh out, amused on what I just blurt out. “Be careful though, that pretty face of his has wickeness inside.” He joke, but I was still so embarrass at myself that I end up nodding at him. 

The rest of the drive was just us humming to the radio music. It was a comfortable silence and I’m super grateful that Bash didn’t hover too much on why Gilbert brought me to their home. I guess he and Mary will do the interrogations with Gilbert once they corner him, _thank god for that._

When Bash pull over the curb of Aunts place, Cole was waiting outside looking restless and kind of tired, I sighed deeply as I took off my seatbelt. 

“Thanks for driving me over, and please do thank Mary again for the sandwiches, as well as Gilbert.” I said, giving bash a grateful smile and then turning back to off the car. 

“Hey —“ he called before I could close the door. “Don’t be a stranger okay? Maybe come by some other time and have dinner with us, I think Mary likes you a lot.” He return the smile. 

I didn’t answer and just nodded, citing another thanks then running to Cole side, not waiting for Bash to drive off. 

Mary and Bash are nice people, including Gilbert, but they might have mistaken me having some sort of relationship with Gilbert when we’re practically strangers — I don’t even have any of their numbers. I don’t want to be invasive and invite myself to their home just cause I was there once. 

Cole eyes found me immediately as I run towards him, and he breaths in relief. I thought he was going to smack me, but he envelop me with an embrace. 

“You stupid, stupid girl!” He said over my shoulder, hugging me tightly. I can feel him slowly relax as I snuggle to his embrace.

”I’m sorry.”

Cole leans back holding both my shoulder, studying me for any visibke injuries, then flickering hard my forehead. “Don’t ever do that again okay! You know how worried and panicky Diana and Aunt get when you don’t answer your phone or reply to our messages! Also —“ _there’s more?_ I wanted to cut him off, but thought better off it. He paused and breaths in deeply, like he’s suddenly thinking of what to say, “What really happened? Wh-where were you?”

“I’ll tell you the whole story, but...” I paused, studying his expression. I feel like his going to say yes to my condition, but, you never know... I just — I don’t want all of them to make such a big deal in all of this. 

“But what?” He was looking real suspicious of me, and it’s making me feel terrified. 

“I promise I’ll go to all of my sessions with Dr. Morell, I’ll also make sure to go to my monthly eyecheck-up, and I’ll even give back your shirts, just —“ I said for more leverage, then tried to find trust in his eyes and when I see it, I continue, “I don’t want Diana or Aunt to know what happened... I mean, I trust them. I just— I don’t like them to worry more than they already are.”

He was looking at me like I’m not making any sense and that he’s containing himself to be angry at me. He then rub his face with both hand and sigh defeatedly, knowing I’m stubborn as hell. “You do realized that if Diana found out we’ve been lying to her, she’ll kill me? Not the both of us, but only me cause I helped you lie.”

”Please?” I pleaded. 

”Fine” he gave up, and I was about to say something when he added, “Don’t return the shirts anymore, just tell me the truth.”

And I did — I told him about meeting Gilbert, how feels so familiar to me, that we talked, and that when our hands touched... I saw something that couldn’t be real, but felt so real, then passed out. I also told him about being the whole Mary and Bash thing. 

He sighs deeply again, processing in his head what I just told him. He then reaches for my hand to hold tight. “Anne can you promised me something?” Cole was looking intently at our hands, rubbing the top of my hands with his thumb as he waits for me to say something first before he continue.

I wanted to tell him ‘yes’ but I couldn’t really trust my voice so I just nodded even though he was not looking at my face, then grip his hands tighter.

”Starting today, you’ll tell me everything okay? Not a single, tiniest bit detail will be left —“ he finally look me in the eyes, searching for something, then he continue, “Promise me Anne, can you do that?” 

I nodded again, but he didn’t seem content with that and still waited for me to say the word, so I did, even when my voice were shakey and I was kind of stuttering. Cole seems to believe though, and I am sincere to my promise — At least he will not plan immediate police search for me or declare war to anyone when he’s worried for me... And he’s mostly good at letting me live for myself even with all the fear and worry that I’ll hurt myself, that why I trust him with everything. 

He sighs again... he’s been doing that far to many times now. I shiver at the blow of the wind as he took his jacket off and put in over me. “Come on, let’s get you inside, Diana and Aunt are at the living room waiting.”

”How long have you waited outside?” I asked, remembering how cold his hands were, when he hold mine. 

”Since we ended our call.” He answered, pushing me lightly to walk.

”Wha —“

”Let’s just get inside okay? And keep you mouth close, when they ask you about what happened. I’ll tell them what they need to know.” I wanted to protest, but, I can’t piss him off. “Let’s be glad that you’re not looking pale.” He added, taking a quick glance at me then opening the door for us to get inside. 

As soon as the door close, Diana and Aunt came running to me, enveloping me with hugs and kisses like I’ve been gone for along time. It was, of course, followed by worried looks and words, then mad sentences for making them panic. 

When they ask about where I’ve been, and what happened, I kept my mouth close like how Cole told me. 

“This shameless girl here was just drop off by a handsome lad, and she didn’t answer our call and messages because she was too preoccupied with the said handsome lad.” Cole said with a wicked smile (at least it looks so wicked to me, but I’m sure it looks different to Diana and Aunt.), that made Diana, Aunt, and even me speechless.

An ‘oohh’ was heard from Aunt and Diana was just looking at me in disbelief. “How did I not know that you’re dating someone?” Diana asked. 

_Ohh, believe me, I also didn’t know that I was dating someone,_ I wanted to say, but of course can’t. I look at Cole again, almost panicking, because damn! What do I answer with that! 

“She not dating anyone.” Cole answered simply for me, looking confidently (like how does he do that?). I don’t know if this just going to get worst or — “She just met the guy... what was his name again? Herbert? Jil — Gil...” he’s looking teasingly at me.

”Gilbert.” _I don’t know why I answered that._

“Right, that! They met at the party, and they met again in coincidence after her visit with Morell, at... where was it again Anne?” _Damn you, Cole! Are helping me or are you trying to make things worst?_

 _The asshole is enjoying this too much, “_ At the bookstore.” I said, wanting to stomp on Cole’s feet. 

”Yes! The bookstore, and then he offered you dinner right? Forgetting we have our own plans for dinner — and what happened next?” The bastard just suddenly throw me on the bus. 

”We we’re just talking.” I said, almost gritting my teeth.

”Till passed midnight?” Diana asked suspiciously.

I laugh almost nervously, then answered, “You know me. When I talk to someone, I sometimes forget I’ve been talking for too far long till someone pointed it, and he-he’s really a great listener so...” I feel stupid, giggling nervously, trying hard to make it seems like I’m doing it out of embarrassment being caught like a total teenager talking to a guy she had a crush on.

“Ohh wow... Okay.” Said Dina, that made me stop from laughing.

“Okay?” 

“Okay.” She repeated in a most nonchalant way. Did this BS really worked? “But next time, please, please! Answer our call at least once or send us a message okay?” She added firmly, with pointed finger as emphasis.

”Well, I’m tired, and Aunt is tired so... interrogation about this Gilbert guy will happen tomorrow.” _Ohh fuck_ “I need to know all the details okay? Now I need sleep, I have an early meeting.” She finished, yawning like they didn’t just try to made a big scene earlier when I was missing (trust me I know, even when I wasn’t there to wistness firsthand).

”Well then... I’m glad nothing bad happened.” Aunt kiss us goodnight without further interrogation too, “Goodnight my child.” 

“Goodnight Aunt.” I said, as I watched both Barry’s walk away, going to their own rooms. 

When they are nowhere in sight and most probably out of earshot, I turned to Cole and smack his chest hard, “Why did you do that!” I whisper/shouting.

”That’s the best I could come up. What? Do you have a better one?” He shot back, fighting a laugh. 

“What will I say to Diana when she ask me questions about Gilbert?” 

“The truth, with a little sparkle of lies. Come on Anne, use your big imagination! You’re the one who likes to tell stories and to write.”

I really wanted to say something hateful, but... I hate to always remember that Cole is helping me. He doesn’t even see me as someone who’s already losing her mind with all the things that I’ve told him. If the roles were reverse, I might think he’s losing his mind. I should be grateful. 

”I hate you.” I smack him again, cause being grateful doesn’t mean I can’t punch him when I’m annoyed. 

”Well, hate me all you want. Let’s get you to bed.” He said laughing, as he pull me to me to my room. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so, I just want to share something, and it has zero relation with the fic just — I suddenly got obsess with this musical theater show and god, I’m so late on the hype of FREAKIN’ HAMILTON, like, I CAN’T BELIEVE I’VE ONLY WATCHED THIS MASTERPIECE NOW (thank you so much disney+). 
> 
> For the pass days, Hamilton songs is on repeat on my spotify, and I’ve watched the show more than ten times already. (I want to watch the show in person with it’s original cast, though, I know it will never happen. I’m so heart broken) 
> 
> Anyways... do enjoy this long ass chapter and let me know your thoughts, I’m a sucker for comments hahahah
> 
> Kisses xx
> 
> -Camille

When I got settled to my room (showered for a couple of minutes, brushed my teeth, put on cream to my skin, put on more creams and other stuff on my face —you can’t fault me on my vainness, Diana insisted me to learn a 9 steps skincare routine, and that’s only for the night, there’s a different routine for morning. It stuck on my head already— and change on my night clothes), I tried to sleep as Cole ordered me to do.

It only took me about ten minutes of twisting and turning around my bed, before I crawl out of my bed — my room, and sneaks in to Cole’s room and quietly slips on his bed. 

Cole never locks his room that’s why it’s so easy for me to sneak in, plus his door don’t even make a sound when it opens (it’s a mystery, I know, and probably dangerous cuz, what if someone else — _Okay, that’s to far imagination Anne._ ) so, I knew I won’t wake him up when I get in, though... he probably is still awake. 

_He_ _is, awake._ He scooted over to make space for me when he felt me slipping on his bed (thought his bed can actually fit four people). I layed down trying to be comfortable but failed, so I nudge on Cole as he sighs loudly for me to hear and moves closer to me then brought his arms around me. 

“Stop using me a your cuddle buddy, it’s not attractive, and you’re making it far more difficult to sleep.” He complained, though we both know it’s not truth —he sleeps better when he’s laying beside someone, I’ve slept by his side far too many times now to know for sure. (though, yeah, I admit it may have not been comfortable for him, that, I mostly used his arms as pillow.)

I didn’t comment on his complain, but scooted more to his side, breathing in his scent and fiddling with the loose tread on his sleepwear. “You said to tell you everything, so... there’s still one more thing I need to tell you.” I said, still focus on the loose tread. 

I felt his eye bore to me, as he tried to lean back to look me in the eye, but, I didn’t let him. 

He waited for me to speak, as he runs his hand to my hair soothingly. “That day —the morning when you found me crying and screaming from fear— I-ahhh, I saw something...” I paused, and maybe I kind of want him to say something, anything, stop me from speaking, but, he just listens. “It was like a shadow or a silhouette of something like a man. It felt like the man in my dreams” I made another paused, my memory from that morning is now a bit hazy, but the emotions and feelings I felt then were still vivid. “I felt him close, and like... he was talking to me, but, I couldn’t understand.”

I am again waiting for him to say something, but still, he didn’t comment or did a movement.

”With what happened then, and what happened this afternoon —“ I took a breath, and finally look at Cole’s eyes, “Do you think I’m finally losing my mind?”

Cole’s face were sketched with a bit of confusion, concern, worry, and a lot more. He run his hand again to my hair, and then settled on my waist, pulling me close, his other hand craddling my head and resting it on his chest. ”I think, you need sleep.” He said, urging me to close my eyes, as he started to hum something, a familiar nursery rhyme, ‘ _Twinkle, twinkle, little star’,_ it almosr made me want to laugh out loud. “Come on, close your eyes and try hard to fall asleep, imagine counting sheep if you must.” He insist. I bark a laugh, finally closing my eyes, and somewhat forgetting my question to him.

He continue his humming, and I was on the edge of falling asleep when he quietly said, “You’re not losing you mind, Anne. Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out.” His voice were really soothing, almost like a lullaby, and with his hand brushing my hair softly again, I couldn’t help but be taken by sleep. 

* * *

* * *

It’s have been almost two weeks since then.

No dreams, no episodes, no nothing... I’m not betting to ‘I’m back to being _normal’_ thing, this is actually more weirder than ever. It’s like, the calmness before a ranging storm (I surely hope that is not the case.)

Aunt let me off the _Gilbert and date_ excuse the day after that tense night.

Diana didn’t actually hover much or push me much on the same topic either (I’m guessing that Cole has a little bit something to do with it, but... I’m not quite sure and I won’t complain. Cole doesn’t much influence Diana, he likes her like that.)

I’m still going to my twice a week visit with Dr. Morell, but, like I said, nothing out of ordinary really have happened so —

The normality is really getting on my skin. Wasn’t this supposed to give me some sort of relief? Why am I more worried?

A month pass after and on the 3rd week of my new normal, I stop going to Dr. Morell (Yep, again. _What_? It’s a waste of time and money when nothing’s really happening). I’ve only had the one of those _dreams_ again and nothing more. Besides, I woke up in a normal way that day... no sweat, no gasping for air, no sobbing, no pain (except for that one tear.) 

“Why are you looking so grumpy?” I ask Cole, while we walk down the hallway of _Palace Hotel_ , one of the Barry’s owned hotel (Super rich people alert!). We are on one of those fancy charity event that Diana’s parents organized. 

Cole have been quiet since we got to the hotel, his usual smile is missing, and there’s this some kind of tense, some kind of irritated aura he’s releasing. “Something wrong?” I tugged him stop when he ignored my first question and stood at the side of the hall so we are not blocking the way. 

He didn’t look at me, but look down at his shoes and sighs tiredly, ”Just woke up in the wrong side of the bed, that’s all.” 

I believe him, thought, his whole face is saying something more. “No. There’s something more to this, tell me.” 

“I already told you.” He simply said, finally looking at my face with a sketch of annoyance on his. 

“I don’t believe that that’s all there is, I can feel it.” I insisted, squeezing his arm lightly to let him know it’s okay.

He sniffle an offending laugh, and said, ”Yeah? I don’t care.” 

I’m not sure what made him say that and why he’s being like this, but, I didn’t like his tone one bit. I didn’t want to argue so I just said, ”Ohh okay...” then let go of his arm, took a breath and calmly (tried to) said, “You’re being a dick right now, and you need to freaking take a breather. Let me give you some space for that.” Then walk away as fast as I can, not turning back.

”Wai — Anne!” _Nope, not turning back. I am now kind of mad._

Cole’s never been that mean to me ever! Even on his bad days he’s never like that! 

I mean... he can be mean sometimes... be a dick if he wants to, but, not like that! His tone when he said he doesn’t care about how I feel, it felt real.

I almost trip on something when I turn to the end of the hallway, making me pause my thoughts and lean my hand to the wall. _Stupid freaking heels!_

Frustration made me take off my shoes (in a so unlady-like fashion) and impulsively throw one away.

Two seconds later I regretted it because the shoe landed not somewhere, but to _someone in a loud thud_. 

“Ohh my god!” I ran forward to the person my shoe landed on and profusely apologize “I’m so so sorry! I didn’t mean to —“ I stopped when he turn around and faced me. 

“Anne?” It was not a question, his face shows sure recognition. He got this big surprise-smile sketched on his face... seem like, him being hit by a flying shoe have been forgotten. 

“Gilbert?” This is also not a question, I’m just surprised that we meet again.

_Let me let you guys on a secret... after that day, I never went back to that bookstore again. Why? Cuz I’m afraid to see him again and have the same episode — I mean, I’m not saying that it happened because of him, because that would be such a total nonesense, but, there is something about him that —_

“What are you doing here?“ he asked in a nice tone, cutting me out of my reverie. 

_What am I doing here? Should I be asking that?_

I realized that I was actually just embarrassingly staring at him and not speaking so, I straighten my posture, cleared my throat and answer, ”Charity, I’m here for the ahh, the amm, the —“ my throat suddenly feels dry. 

“Charity party of the Barry’s family?” He supplied for me, smiling amusedly. 

“Yeah... that.” And then I started giggling weirdly. _I think there is something wrong with me._

He didn’t seem to be weirded out so much on me (thank god for that!) he then notice the shoe I was holding, and the shoe on the ground. _Ohh boy, I forgot about that._

He pick it up and asked, “Is this —?”

”Yeah, it’s mine. I was mad at my friend, so I walk out on him, and then my heels were killing me so in frustration and anger, I took it out on the shoe then throw it away. I’m wasn’t really thinking right then, and I didn’t know that it could land to a person and hurt them — I mean, of course there is a chance that it’ll land on a person since people walk in this hallway, but, I mean —“ his burst of laughter made me stop from my rambling.

His laugh is not the kind of laugh that you’ll get mad of, it’s cute... and I’m being stupid. _Again_. Okay, on serious note, I do feel like he’s not laughing because of my weirdness or whatnot.

”Sorry, I do hope you didn’t take that as an offense.” He said after finally being able to control his laughter. “You amaze me Ms. Anne Shirley” he’s giving that smile again, that smile that’s starting to make my heart flutter. 

“I’m glad that I amused you.” _Ohh god Anne, please control your heart before it get’s out of hand._

In my attempt to control my heartbeat, Gilbert decided that he’ll wreck havoc on my emotions by kneeling down, talking one of my hand and putting it on his shoulder, then slipping back my shoes where it should belong (he grab the other one I’m holding and slip it my foot too.)

”Someone once told me that, a nice pair of heels walks women to their dreams.” He said once he’s done, like explaining why put it back on me, then stood straight and look me in the eye and continue “It doesn’t make sense, I know. And, I know she only said that so that I’ll gift her a beautiful and expensive shoes, but — I don’t think you really want to throw away this nice pair of heels. It matches and looks so good with your dress.” He took a glance down then back to my eyes with that smile and finish, “And it’s beautiful on you.” 

My mind went braindead after that. Cuz what should I respond to that? A ‘thank you’? Well maybe... but he got this look in his face and eyes that makes me just want to be lost in it. And _goddammit, Anne! How can you feel like this when you don’t even truely know the man. Given that he’s handsome and nice, and gives compliments that he really means, and-and he helped you quite a few times now without asking for something back (and you only met twice!), and that smile! Ohh that smile —_

“Anne!” Diana called (of course I know that it’s she, without looking), making me turn my back on Gilbert. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere!” She said in relief, Jerry tailing behind her. When she’s only a few feet away, her forehead creases worry. “Where’s Cole?”

And before I could answer her, she notices Gilbert (who’s actually still behind me) and suddenly said, “Doctor Blythe —“ _wait, Diana knows Gilbert?_ “They told us you won’t make it.” 

“Well, I couldn’t really pass the invitation, so I made some last minute adjustment.”

”We’re honored that you think this charity event is far more important than your other commitments.”

”Every commitments I have is important Ms. Barry, It’s just a matter of management.” 

“Of course.” 

I stood quiet on their conversation, looking back-in-fort on the two. There’s this kind of tension you can feel being in between them. 

Gilbert just shows coolness without any intimidation, and Diana gives a look of ‘if a smile could kill’ kind of thing. 

The invisible tension were cut when Diana spoke again, “Well, it’s great to have you here Dr. Blythe and I would love talk more, but, there’s an urgent matter I need to discuss with my family. I will see you around the party hall and please do you enjoy the event.” She bowed her head slightly then place her hand on my shoulder down to my arm to pull me softly with her. 

Diana started pacing the hall taking me with her, I didn’t even get the chance to say goodbye to Gilbert because, Diana’s mouth is running again, “Where’s Cole? Aren’t you supposed to be with him?” 

It made me think of my last conversation with him that almost irate me, “I left him. Maybe 15 or 20 minutes ago, he’s being a dick and I don’t want to argue so — I told him to take a breath.” 

We were at the front of the party hall, Diana didn’t made comment on what I said, she’s just determined to look for Cole. “What’s wrong?” I asked, feeling worried now. 

And before she could say something, someone said his greeting to Diana behind me that almost made me jump in surprised. When I turned around to see who the person was, my blood almost immediately boils. 

“Mr. Billy Andrews, it’s a surprise to see you here.” Diana calmly greets him back with a tight smile, I can see that she’s also not happy seeing him. 

“Ohh please, I’m sure you know I’m coming.” He replied in an irritating cocky voice. He then turn to take a sticky, head to toe glace at me and said, “Hello, Anne. You look really...” he paused, his hand reaching on mine and kissing my knuckles in a perverse manner, almost making me sick. “the dress suited all your curbs, though, you should show more skin. Don’t put that shiny, soft, creamy white skin you got from the Barry’s family to waste.” _Shitty, fucking asshole pervert._

I almost forgot that we’re on a charity event and was ready to slap him hard on the face when Cole appeared on my side and place his hand softly on my back, his other hand is taking my hand away from Billy. “That’s not the right way to compliment a beautiful lady, Mr. Billy Andrews.” Cole tuck me safely on his side, smiling at Billy, but also showing that, he wouldn’t give a second thought on puching his face pretty face and breaking his nose if he continue his harassment. “Didn’t London thought you that kind of manner?” Cole added in a mocking manner, but manage to make it sound something civil. 

Billy surely has a lot to say about it, but his father called to him across the party hall. Without uttering anymore word to any of us, though, he still did give us a nasty look, he walked away. 

“You should have let me hit him!” Diana exclaimed, looking sharply at her date, Billy’s already on the other side of the hall. Diana’s clenching her petite hands in anger, as Jerry tried to calm her openly. 

“You okay?” Cole asked, enveloping both my hands on his. My hands were shaking, I didn’t even realized it not until Cole were rubbing his thumb soothingly on my wrist.

I didn’t anwer but nodded. I couldn’t really trust my voice at the moment.

The three of us detested Billy Andrews. 

He’s the most narcissitic, misogynist, homophobic bastard we’ve ever met (if you have much worst word in mind to describe an aweful person, please do let me know.). We always try to be civil with him because there is no way that we will step down to his level. All those wealth, money, and good face is wasted on him because of his personality, the rest of his family is good though, especially Prissy, his older sister. If not for similar face stracture, you wouldn’t think of them as anywhere related. 

Their family is alway invited to this kinds of events because of company connections, so no matter how much we hated to be in the same place as him, we just have to endure it. 

When Billy was 18 he was send to London to avoid a scandal, and since then we haven’t really seen him, I couldn’t believe he’s back here after all those years. I just hope he’s not here for good, cuz I’m not sure I’ll be able to contain myself much, one of this days I’ll be punching the guy straight his face!

”Are you okay?” I finally was able to say to Cole. He’s been most tortured by Billy when we were young, maybe that’s why he was so out of it when we got here, he probably already knew Billy will be here at the event. 

“Yeah.” He replied with a smile of relief, then pulling me closer on a hug. “I’m sorry for being a dick earlier.” 

I breath in his scent, all tension left now as I embrace him closer. “I surely hope there will never be a next time, but, if there is, please let me punch him in the face? Then I’ll forgive you.”

He laughs on my shoulder, then leaning back to kiss my forehead and said, ”Sure, I’ll even cheer you on. Let Diana have a punch too.” 

Diana reach to the both of us making it a big group hug, while Jerry stand to the side letting us have our moment. I pull him to us, telling him to join the club as he shyly put his arms around us too and chuckle at how silly the four of us look like. 

* * *

* * *

The event finished without anymore messes. 

It was past midnight, almost everyone has gone home except for the few people that checked in the same hotel (thank god, that Billy Andrews is not one of them). I sat down on one of the couches around the hotel lobby waiting for Cole to finish his conversation with someone (they were talking about some art exhibit stuff and I didn’t really have the patience to listen to something I don’t understand this late at night, so I told him I’ll just wait for him at the lobby. Diana’s also binding her goodnight to Jerry that is suspiciously taking quite a long time now. 

For the second time now, I took of my shoes off in a very unfashionable way (it’s late, and my feets now dead, so who cares about being unfashionable right?), at least now, I don’t have the urge to throw it away. 

“I’m glad you didn’t decide to throw you shoes across the room this time.” Said by someone who's voice is starting to get too get acquainted to my ears, _Gilbert_.

“Do you hold long grudges? Cause I remember apologizing before.” It was an attempt to joke but, it might have come off annoyed due to tiredness. Not entirely caring about an audience, I started to rub my feet to lessen the ache from wearing heels for hours. 

He chuckled looking really amuse. “Do you mind?” He asked, pointing to the space on the couch beside me, and I thought he was just asking to sit beside me, but then he softly pull my feet on his lap and started to massage it. 

The way he massage my feet was so good that I didn’t had the chance to protest. In fact, it was so good that I had to bite my lips to contain a moan that wants to leave my throat — _shit! This is going to be so embarrassing._

He put a good pressure below my ankle and _ahhh_ — see, embarrassing. Thank god it was not too loud, and there are only about 5 people at the lobby. 

He finished and carefully put down my foot, he also didn’t seem to care about my embarrassing moan, just smiled at me in calm. 

_Stupid irrational feelings!_

_”_ Thanks.” I told him, before somethig else come out my mouth.

”You’re welcome.” _Stupid smile that makes my heart flutter!_

”Thank you... for that _day_ too. I haven’t really thank you for that.” I said, remembering the first day we met and I pass out on him. Great day. 

“You’re again welcome.” He stood up, nodding his head goodbye and goodnight, and turning his head away. Not even a step away, he turn back to me again and said, “You know, this is the second time we met by chance. They say, third time is a charm but, I don’t want to wait for another month to see you again. So... Can I, maybe, get your number?” 

_Ohh wow. I didn’t heard that wrong, right? He’s asking for my number so that we can meet again, and this time not just because of coincidence, but because he wanted to. Hey Anne, didn’t you avoided the bookstore so that you won’t get to meet him again? So why are you being excited? And why are you nodding your head to say yes? Anne? Anne!_

He handed me his phone letting me type in my number (I even double checked, triple check it to mke sure it’s the right one.), and when I returned it to him, that stupid adorable smile is there again.

”Mary, by the way, keeps on asking about you. Maybe one of these days I can get you to agree on having dinner at my place.” He mentioned, as he put back his phone to his pocket.

”Maybe.” I didn’t reeally know what to say. I at least manage to give him smiles, Making me feel like a teenager for a second there. 

He said his goodbye and goodnight agian, then walk back a few steps before finally turning his back. I feel really giddy, and excited.

As he walk away, I see Cole walking towards where I am but stops, his face showing recognitions on the guy he’s about tonpass by. “Blythe? I didn’t know you attended the event.”

They were really out of my earshot, so I couldn’t make anything from their conversation. 

It looks like they know each other, not just from this night, but, not too close enough as friends though. 

_How the hell did Diana and Cole knew Gilbert? Why did they act like they haven’t heard his name before when I mentioned it that day?_

”Well it was nice seeing you Blythe.” I heard Cole said, smiling, as he taps on his shoulder.

”You too. Goodnight” 

“Goodnight.” He walk past him, and is by my side in just few seconds. “Hey, are you okay?” He asked, looking at me with worry. I just nodded tiredly, as he sighs and grabs my shoes on the floor, takes my hand to help me up, then wraping his arm around my waist to push me to walk and get across the room to the elevator.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is so dependent on dialog haha.

There’s this _something_ I couldn’t get off of my head.

 _Something_ that’s been bothering me since that night at the charity event.

I didn’t immediately question Cole or Diana about it because there’s no way they are keeping something important from me... right? 

“It’s rude to stare at people who’s trying to eat, especially when it’s breakfast.” Cole chastise, giving me a look that showed I annoyed him. 

It has been two days since the charity event. Two days since Gilbert got my number but haven’t texted or called me — _maybe he doesn’t really mean what he said that night, or maybe he’s just really busy that’s why he haven’t contacted you... Stop being so skeptical Anne._

I was about to say something when Diana appeared, looking already so tired in the early morning, wearing a distaste look on her face. ”Can’t you two be a little more quiet. It’s still so early.” She grumble, as she made a beeline behind Cole and reach for the pot of coffee.

Cole snickered finding her state really funny. ”It’s almost ten in the morning, and it’s not our fault that your apparent _date_ with Jerry consisted of getting yourself too drunk and lasted till three in the morning.” He said, mocking Diana with more laughter.

”Shut up!” She throws something at him to make him stop, but Cole was able to avoid the flying object before it hit him, just making him laugh more.

Diana sighs defeatedly, telling herself that it’s too early for her to get mad when she had such a wonderful night. She then take a glace at me noticing the scowl written all over my face. “What’s wrong with her?” She asked Cole like I was not there hearing her, making me raise one of my eyebrows. 

”I don’t know.” He asnwered, taking a sip of his own coffee, then taking a look at me with teasing eyes.

“Aww, did you woke up in the wrong side of the bed?” It was really not a question, She was teasing me, using a somewhat toddler tone to me.

”Stop!” I almost growl, slapping Diana’s hands away as she reach to my face planning to pinch my cheeks.

”You’re cute.” She gave up the teasing, sitting besides Cole, stealing his toast.

I frowned looking at the two of them. 

My curiosity can’t hold it anymore. I need to know why they acted like it was the first time they heard Gilbert’s name when I mentioned it, and how did they both know him. ”Why did you two pretended not to know Gilbert that night?” I finally ask, anticipating their answer.

”Which night?” Diana ask, clueless to what I’m asking. “And Gilbert who?” She added, picking at Cole’s breakfast again as he slaps her hands away.

It kind of pisses me that they’re both not paying attention to me. ”Gilbert Blythe!” I said, a little to loudly. _Now, that took both of their attention._

”Blythe?” Cole repeated, still a bit confused at my question. “Dr. Blythe?” He said again for confirmation. “How’d you know Dr. Blythe?” 

_Okay, what the hell is going on? I told him everything about that day I met him and when I passed out, I even told him that he took me to his place! Are both of them just feigning ignorance? What —_

“Wait —“ Diana interrupted my thoughts. “Are you talking about the night where we almost called for a search party to find you?” I nodded to answer, and knowing that she still have a lot to say, I stayed quiet. “That Gilbert guy Cole mentioned you went on a date with —“

”It was not a date! We were just talking” I protest, getting a roll of eye from her.

“Whatever. So you’re saying that this Gilbert guy is the same person we know?” She asked, like she really have no idea that they were the same person. _Well_ , there really is a chance that they know few people who’s name is Gilbert... it’s not like it’s an uncommon name. 

”I always calls him by his last name, or just Doctor. I forgot he actually have a first name.” Cole side commented, looking a little puzzled. Then I remembered not really mentioning his last name to him or to Diana since they were not that interested on who this ‘Gilbert’ person I met.

“Well, that’s... very anticlimactic.” I blurted out without really meaning to.

Both Cole and Diana burst into a pit of laugher, making me feel embarrass “Why? You thought were keeping something from you, and that there will be some kind of big revelation that will happened?” 

“Well not too big of a secret, just... something —“

”Please, if I knew it was Blythe you were talking about, I wouldn’t have let you sleep that night.” Diana pointed, then within a second, her face were sketch with realization. “You went on a date with Blythe! That arrogant, know-it-all, narcissistic, asshat?” She finished, disbelief and shock at the same time.

“Oh come on, Diana, the guys not that bad.” Cole countered, “He may have arrogance in his body, but, the guy earned it. The guy is literally a genius, helps a lot of people, and he is quite a handsome fella.” 

“Please! If I know, all of it is just an act.” She sneered, completely not agreeing with Cole.

“You’re just saying that because you have a personal grudge on him.” Cole pointed as a matter of fact, making her look at him in disbelief, “Didn’t you have a crush on him before?” He added to the fire.

“No, I didn’t!” 

“Uh-ha.” He mock. 

”Oh for the love of God!” I screamed, getting annoyed from being left out. “Did you two forgot that I’m here! How did you two knew Gilbert?” 

The two of them look at me in shock, startled at my shouting. Then they look at each other, probably thinking of how to explain how they know Gilbert Blythe.

“We don’t know him for long.” Cole started, shrugging his shoulders, and finishing his breakfast. 

”Just 4 years ago I think?” Diana added, taking a sip of her coffee. 

So this even was before I got back my eyesight. 

”And, he’s not exactly our friend so —“ he paused, studying my expression. 

I raise of my eyebrows on him, waiting for him to continue. ”Well?” 

”As you have already know, his a doctor. He’s actually making quite a name for himself for such a short period of time. That’s how good he is.” Diana sneered again. _I wonder what Gilbert did to her that makes her not like him. “_ If I remember correctly —“ Cole continue, “— I first saw him on one of Aunt’s charity event, one that’s hosted by a hospital aunt’s invest on.”

_How have I not seen him before if his been coming to Barry’s hosted event 4 years ago?_

Well, Before my surgery, I don’t really get out much of aunt’s home, Cole and Diana would have to dragged me out of the house so that I’ll come with them to any events the Barry’s manage to host. Sometimes I’ll be grateful that they insist for me to join, most times, I’ll just sit on the corner and try to tune out the noise around me — sometimes it’s too much for a person who can’t see.

”Blythe, he... he’s a new doctor, but he blends in really well. I don’t think I got to talk to him that day, he engraved impressions to the people though.” 

“Impression, yeah right.” Diana side commented, getting me more and more curious on why she’s so irritated at the said guy. 

Cole continue ignoring Diana, “Well, I’ve only seen him quite a few times and only talked to him about trivial things. Like I said, we’re not really friends.” He finished, as he get up his seat picking up his plate and mug to bring to the sink.

 _huh_ , that’s that. Nothing really special. Ha.

I then turned my attention to Diana, waiting for her own story. “What?” She almost hissed at me. 

“What did the guy do to you that makes you act like that?” 

“Ohhh! I like to hear this one!” Cole announces running back to the kitchen table, teasingly looking at Diana. 

Her mouth was closing and opening like some fish that’s put out of the water, then she gave a look of concentration but her cheeks were slowly blushing. ”Nothing.” She finally was able to say, “He did nothing. He just — I just don’t like him okay?” She abruptly stood up, picking up her cup of coffee and then walking out of the kitchen. “Let stop talking about Blythe okay?” 

“Wha —“ I wanted to asked more but, she was already out of the kitchen. I sigh, getting all sorts of confused with Diana’s reaction, then turn to Cole who’s grinning devilishly and nursing his second cup of coffee. “You look like you’re enjoying this.” I pointed. 

”Of course.” He agreed, giving a small chuckle. “It’s not everyday we see an embarrass Diana Barry, besides she doesn’t really hate Blythe.” 

“Okay?” _Cole should stop acting all cryptic, it’s not even funny,_ _“_ What do you know that, I don’t?” 

”You have forgotten don’t you?” He asked before giving any answer on my question.

I don’t even know what he is asking so I just look at him.

“It was maybe 3 years ago, Diana stayed with us for the whole month, saying that she’s rebelling on his dad but wouldn’t tell us the whole context of why.” He continue giving me a hint, but, I’m not getting anything. “Well, I don’t blame you. It’s happened few months before your surgery so —“ 

_Before my surgery. Huh._

“Can we just get on the part where you tell me why Diana get’s work up when Gilbert is being mentioned?” I shrug my thoughts. 

“Fine.” He almost roled his eyes on me, before continuing, “remember that time Mr. Barry played matchmaker? The one where Mr. Barry couldn’t shut up about this young doctor who’s making a big buzz to everyone? He keeps telling Diana great things about the doctor who happens to be Blythe and keeps on telling her they should meet. Just as Diana finally considered it and agreed to meet Blythe, he straight out rejected her by saying ‘he’s in love with someone’. Diana was just dumfounded because her dad didn’t told her anything about a girlfriend and she was just embarrassed with herself.” 

“Now I remember.” And I do. I remember how angry Diana was, how she wanted to throw all of the plates on the kitchen to relieve stress and embarrassment that will surely hunt her for the rest of her life. I remember her mumbling something about a guy but I don’t remember Gilbert’s name being said. 

“After that he’s been going less and less to events being hosted by the Barry’s family, I’m sure it has nothing to do with what happened between him and Diana, but anyway... I kind of forgot about it after everything that happened.”

 _After that happened to me,_ it’s still hard for them to say it. Ha.

Maybe that why I don’t really know Gilbert, but, if he does still attend those event, even though not frequently, it might be why I think his kind of familiar to me. It doesn’t feel like it though, or maybe, I just want it to be something... _something_ _more_.

My head were on clouds when Cole softly taps my shoulder and said, “Don’t think about it too much, it’s just a funny coincidence.” But it’s not. He’s forgetting the part where I told him about feeling weirdly too much familiar with Gilbert. 

I nodded, not having the energy to speak anymore. Also... what Cole mentioned finally processed in my head — Is he still inlove with that someone? 

* * *

* * *

_“I’m so sorry, I didn’t forgot! I was just busy!”_

_I was running away from him, not willing to hear anything that he was about to say — that until he was able to catch up on me, holding my wrist tightly, and turning me to face him._

_“Can you just — talk to me.” The way he looks at me is not the same as before. It’s not the eyes that wants me, the eye that made those promises to me._

_I’m mad, but mostly just sad and lonely._

_”You’ve alway been busy!“ I blurted out, the grip he had on my wrist getting tighter, “You’ve always been busy.” I repeated, tears threating to fall any moment, “but, you always find a way to have time for me —“ I continue as I feel his hold slowly getting loose, like what I said pierce him somewhere._

_He was about to say something, but didn’t let him by speaking first. “Nowadays, I’ll be lucky to see you or spend time with you for an whole hour, and even then, all you talk about is how you work this and work that.”_

_”You know how important this is for me! For us! For our future!”_

_How very condescending._

_“You’re not listening.” I shake my wrist off of him and run away as fast as I can, not listening to him calling me back or turning back even once._

_My head hurts._

_My heart hurts._

_It hurts so much._

_I can feel my hands shaking from the cold, the pain._

_It wasn’t supposed to be like this. It wasn't supposed to be this painful._

_The sun was still shinning brightly in front of me, reflecting on the thin gold-band and rose stone on my finger._

_It’s like, the sun is laughing at me, mocking me._

A buzzing noise woke me up from my dream. 

Blinking my eyes, I look around and find my phone shaking and buzzing on the desk that I apparantly sleep in too.

I sigh, realizing I’m alone at my office. I must have doze off doing paper works after my class. 

_My heart hurts._

My eyes were blurry not only due to just waking up, but also, to tears that’s been running down my face. 

The dream came crashing down on me, like a memory. I couldn’t help but sob, gasping for air, tapping my hands to my chest along my heart trying to ease the pain. 

It’s hard to calm yourself down when you feel something you’re not supposed to feel. 

My phone started to buzz again, and to my best, I was able to get a hold of it and see who’s calling. 

_Gilbert_. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updating took too long cuz I haven’t been writing lately. I’ve been reading though, keeping my head busy. 
> 
> I’m getting depress after losing my job due to the pandemic and my savings is almost gone... I think I only have, I don’t know... maybe a weeks of a budget. I don’t know what to do 😔


End file.
